Why you should give me ALL of your money

Hi,I'm Martin!
I'm 5'7". I have the standard amount of fingers. And, I like Diet Coke.
And I would like all of your money.

Now, I know what you're thinking.
'Why should I give you all of my money?'
Well, if you're any good at reading, you'd know that I'm about to tell you that.

Reason Number 1

It is nice to have

Money is nice to have. It may be the root of evil, but who among us isn't at least a little bit evil?
In fact, the quietest, most innocent seeming people in the room may be the most evil.
(source: nobody plans a crime out loud)
Back on topic for a moment, you know how money is a nice thing to have? Well, what if I were to inform you...

actual screenshot of my bank account

This is my actual bank account balance. That date you see is the last time I had money in my account, and even then it was only around $1.50

As you can see, this is not a lot of money. I cannot use this amount of money to exchange for goods or services in my location.
In theory, I could change locations, and this money could potentially be worth more there. But what do I need to change locations?
If you said money, you are correct, and you learn fast.

Reason Number 2

I can use it for things

Did you know that I can use money for things?
It's true! Money can be exchanged for goods and services. If you give me all of your money, then I can exchange that for goods and services. What goods and services, you may ask?

Malaprops by Clem Turner

My favorite song is Malaprops by Clem Turner.
It is for sale on Amazon Music for 99 cents.
Let's say you have $100, to keep things simple. If you gave me all of your money, I would be able to purchase my favorite song. Roughly 101 times.

our engagement rings

I'm getting married soon!
My fiance is lovely, and deserves nice things, like a good wedding venue!

cost of wedding venues

As you can see, this will be quite the problem with no money.
All you have to do is give me $100, and you do that 10-30 times.

This is the university I would like to attend! It is in the uk, so tuition should not be too much of a problem. However...

The problem is getting there. Plane tickets are expensive, and college is important. You don't want me to skip college, do you?
Exactly, which is why I am asking for all of your money.


Reason Number 3


As you can probably infer, I am unemployed at the moment.
It's not that I haven't applied places. I've put in my applications and I haven't heard a thing.
I even applied to WALMART and NEVER HEARD BACK from them.
To say I'm strapped for cash right now would be an understatement.

Reason Number 4


I am going to ask politely, because I do not want to make you do anything against your will.
That is both mean and frowned upon by a majority of people, of which I find myself a part of.
Please give me all of your money.
If you do not want to give me all of your money, I understand and I respect your decision.

Finishing Up

I have provided 4 reasons of why you should give me all of your money.
If you would like to give me all of your money, this is my CashApp:
For legal reasons, I am not forcing you to give me all of your money, I am only requesting that you give me all of your money, and I wholeheartedly respect your decision if you choose not to.